Well, it’s time I freshened up the blog. I didn’t realize until the other day that I haven’t posted since school started in August.
Oops
Brooklyn had quite a bit of testing in October that I haven’t posted about (until now). She had an Echo, a bunch of blood work, her MIBG scan, a CT scan, a urine catacholamine test, and.. I think that might be all. Praise God’s mighty name, everything was great! Her oncologist even said if we’re ok with it, we can stop the MIBG scans (which are usually 2.5 hours long for which she is sedated) and of course we are so ok with it I could throw a party. She is a CT scan pro and doesn’t have to be sedated for those anymore so they will continue every 6 months! She is almost 4 years since diagnosis, almost 3 years post stem cell transplant, 2 years off treatment, and it’s been almost a year since she had her feeding tube taken out..and that feels crazy good to write even crazier when I say it out loud! She is still an awesome eater, especially when I think about how she didn’t eat for a year and a half and all the problems she had with her stomach, and all the medication and treatment and bumps in the road..and..Whew. Who wouldn’t believe in a God of miracles after seeing that?!
When they told me she had relapsed in April 2013 I knew in my worried bones it was over. She had been so sick and I had accepted that we were probably not going to go forward with anymore treatment. God had other plans though, praise His name. I knew, in all certainty, that it would have had to have been a miracle for her to be cancer free at that point, but I felt like we were under some clause where every test was just killing time until we found it again. And so.. I almost lost my mind during Brooklyn’s long road back to health. I learned a whole lot about my Savior and I learned even more how weak and immature I was (He’s still working on that). I saw the miracle and couldn’t, maybe wouldn’t, believe it. I waited..and waited for my worst fear. What a stronghold Satan had on me. I couldn’t even praise God like I should have because there was a perpetual “but” there denying His greatness. “She is cancer free and thank you..but how? When will it come back? What do we do?? You know, the statistics aren’t good.” Those words may not have ever left my mouth but they were in my heart and He knew it. Above all what my heart was saying was, “I don’t trust You.” “You” the sovereign God of the Universe! How dare I.
Does this sound as horrible to you as it does to me? It was horrible. He knows us through and through and still loves us beyond anything we will ever comprehend in this form. I repented of my horrible attitude and unbelief and I still find myself praying “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 and I have delighted myself in Him and do you know what? He has given me the desires of my heart. (No, it’s not an assurance cancer won’t come back) I don’t need that. I need Him, He is the desire of my heart. If your eyes are on the storm you’ll wonder if I love you still but if your eyes are on the cross you’ll know I always have and I always will. -Just Be Held, Casting Crowns
Only by His grace,
Hailey
Here’s a recent picture of Brooklyn, the tender-heart, doing what she loves.
Hailey Roberts 